Ooh! Lovely line 'neon of profusion' ~ fabulous! :)
I think your words went together beautifully and I like to think you very poetically described some of the silvery vagaries that live inside any system. Very nicely done!
A kaleidoscope of words that race my heart as they fly by.
Lovely image created, love the line 'neon of profusion'.
Aww brilliant thanks so much ~ Have a bright and wonderful day
Hi. I loved your poem and the images they create but I think you miscounted your syllables here:Play|ing| sys|tems I count 4ne|on| of| pro| fus|ion I count 6sped| on| wheels|red|framed|sight| I count 6 I think "Playing" and "neon" lines were supposed to have 5 and the "sped on" line should have 7. Perhaps you say them differently but check with your dictionary. I am from Texas, but that's the way I'd break them and I think that agrees with the American usage dictionary.
Yep, as Gay points out, some syllable snipping is needed to make this a real shadorma. As a poem I like it a lot. The imagery is choppy and vibrant, fits the subject and has a fresh vibe. Taken as free verse, it works very well. Def not 3/5/3/3/7/5 though.
wow...quick rapid fire flow...nice...i wont crack on the form...
unique. I like the quick flow of the lines