dampened wet bricks lining
musty odoured drips
shaken deep into the Cavern's cellar
where catacombs rocked a thousand shades
of music tuned from staged ahead
under ceilings frothy swills
concrete floors cramming soaked
barely breathes soul strung fired
first elixir of orange and brown
highlights ultraviolet rays
speckled dustings white on black
reflecting charmed pearly smiles
attractions meeting back to back
danced each night thro' dawn
Quite the words weaved and dance through the verse you gave, like the flow and set up of it as well. great job!
ReplyDeletethankyou so much Pat x x
DeleteI remember those pearly whites... I don't miss my clubbing days at all. You really put me there, though!
ReplyDeletethanks so much Laurie - yes those gleaming white teeth on tanned faces - sure had some stamina back then :)
ReplyDeleteoh there is some nice visuals in your piece...ha...we used to have live music at our house ever friday making our own club...a band or dj...made a bit of money which made the pearly whites a bit wider..
ReplyDeletethanks so much Brian -- your house must have been rockin' :) -- Love Lib
ReplyDeleteNice form and colors weaving in your words ~ Thanks for sharing this ~
ReplyDeletethankyou for your kind words - Lib
DeleteThose nights of dancing to the music until the dawn's light trickled thru the window, that was a strange transcendence which your poem captures so hypnotically. Wonderful write, bringing me into the soul of that music.
ReplyDeletethanks so much Charles - yes and still wasn't time enough- Love Lib
Deletelove the word choices and line work. a party of a literary experience. very good!!!!! I like creative thought and expression done with freshness. This was a refreshing read with new voice I look forward to reading more from.
ReplyDeletethankyou Henry for your very warm appreciation, that means so much - Love Lib
DeleteAh take me back to the club- the dark humid dampness- bodies dancing under the lights- the UV lights exposing those pearly whites! Love the sweep of the form, and the great wordplay and visuals created- great job!
ReplyDeleteHa :))yes the excitement of it all - thankyou so much for your kind words - really pleased you enjoyed :)
DeleteLoved clubbing and the atmosphere the beat you could almost physically feel beating within ...but those UV lights always seemed to zone in on my white underwear ! thanks for sharing !
ReplyDelete:) I know was brilliant - know what you mean about UV lights tho' remember feeling people staring at me and wondering why - had I grown a head - No - my hot pants (remember them) had split .. Oh the embarrasment .. :))hugs Lib
Deletelove how you capture the intensity here...
ReplyDeleteconcrete floors cramming soaked
barely breathes soul strung fired
first elixir of orange and brown
highlights ultraviolet rays ... great....and you even bent the shape of the poem to underline the movement of the music...nice..
thankyou so much Claudia I love that you enjoyed it that means such a lot - heady days - hugs Lib
DeleteGreat weave here. Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss, so heartbreaking. Hugs.
ReplyDeletethankyou Ayala .. it is indeed x x
ReplyDelete